Saturday, January 31, 2015
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Diary of an apprehensive internet dater
To be written in a quasi chick lit (in my case chook lit is probably more appropriate) style genre, with tongue ever so slightly in cheek.
This is an entirely foreign adventure for me, one that I feel the need to share.
Have I been looking in all the wrong places – I’ll soon find out?
After years of deliberation and extensive soul searching the decision has been made.
I’ll do it, cast myself into the murky waters of internet dating.
Which site do I choose, to pay or not to pay, how much of me do I need to verbally expose? What do I want, what am I looking for, am I desperate and dateless, or is it merely companionship with no strings attached that I'm after?
This is not about finding a male and making a spontaneous date, but rather a process to be set in motion with a planned long and discerning lead in time, and a short, combustible cut off time, if necessary.
Am I looking for a speed date, a hot date, a social outing with a potential date,or just a companionable date? The vibe that I’ve picked up on the street leans towards a site that has been shown to have scored a large number of successful ‘hits’ and ‘hitches’.
Rules of engagement
Don’t tell your friends that you’re doing it until you’ve done it, and you can produce positive results. Friends become ‘instant’ arm chair experts on the art of web site seduction.
Getting started
Making the decision to take the plunge has been difficult for me, but now it’s made, I’m firing on all cylinders. Now for the on-line profile
First check out what information is required for your profile and write and re-write it before you commit it to cyber space. Tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth to avoid coming unstuck/exposed,somewhere down the dating track.
It’s a happening thing – stay tuned
What next?
Choose a casual associate (not a friend) to vet your photo. I have decided to run with my profile and Australian wide coverage for the first three days. The power of the pen in my case, isn’t as compelling as I had imaged. It’s becoming obvious that the picture is pivotal to the will I or won’t I make an approach process. It’s been 48hours since I let myself loose on the world and so far hit number one is the one and only. A brave guy, seven years my junior, but unfortunately not my perfect match, has taken up the 'sight unseen' challenge. I’ve got the unfair advantage of having access to his photo. So…self question, was it his photo that made the ‘no thanks’ decision for me? No - our interests in the world of art, music and literature were incompatible.
Day 2
Still no photo on my profile page, but I’m working on it.
Nothing with me looking too gung ho and at the ready. I could always put a 'cute' one on for starters. Hopefully my profile says enough to negate the Bimbo, lacking substance, image a ‘cute’ photo suggests.
I’ve decided to wait one more day to see if there’s a man out there who can read between the lines and isn’t influenced by looks, or the lack of.
Now that I’m officially part of the process I can log into a slide show of desirables that presumably fit within my not too demanding, wish list.
Currently I've chosen the whole of Australia as my territory. In a couple of days. I'll focus on Victoria, and then start working through the Sydney postcodes. I’ve told myself that there are no ‘available’ (plenty of unavailable that would like to make themselves available) men in my age group out there. Wrong – I’m blown away with the images scrolling across my screen. Heaps of guys flashing before me that don’t come within a bull’s roar of meeting my desirables list. I shy away from those looking for - a lady, I’m a woman.
My perfect matches, as picked for me, don’t fall too far short of my expectations. But… there’s always something in their profile that makes me hesitate eg. hours on the golf course, sailing the ocean waves, heavy metal music, watching the Simpsons.
Having checked out the Australia wide prospects it’s great to have the option to test the market in other countries. I’m about to zoom in on France where I’ll be next month.
Wait a minute…still in Australia, there are a couple of hopefuls. So why haven’t they contacted me? It’s obvious; I must get my photo ‘out there’
before this turns into the diary of a thwarted internet dater.
Day 3
Still no photo and still only one possible suitor. My strike rate is abysmal - enough to give a girl a huge inferiority complex. A happy snap appears to be the missing ingredient. It’s time - the brains approach didn’t work so I’ll try the eye appeal. If that doesn’t work I’m really doomed to a life of splendid isolation. Then of course I could swallow my pride and make the first approach.
Day 4
This exercise in self promotion is proving to a big time gobbler and it’s stretching my $29.95 monthly internet plan to the max. Where am I going wrong? I’m reading stories of other web-struck females meeting Mr Right within the first four days….help, that’s today for me. I make a note to myself – this could be life changing stuff, don’t panic, step back from it and take time over the selection process.
Things are hotting up. There’s been a second hit on my profile. Can’t tell who though unless I ‘pay to peep’. Not a considered option at this stage. I’m going to go with my gut feeling that a photo WILL produce results. Mr WA looks OK and I wouldn’t say no to Mr Geelong, but they both suffer the same click of the mouse fate. Why? on my dating radar they are classified as GI guys (geographically impossible); unless I’m prepared to up sticks and move interstate.
I’ve finally done it, I’ve downloaded a photo. What happens if it doesn’t produce results? Guess I need to adopt the wait and see approach.
Day 5
Based on other success rates I’m obviously over the hill – still only two responses. A hitch with the photo. I downloaded a reasonable looking head and shoulders shot, untouched by the wonders of photo shop, pressed the send button, and in return, a message letting me know that it would take 24 hours to approve the photo before it could appear on-line.
There’s nothing I can do now but sit it out. Will my no photo V photo theory be proven?
Meantime the men keep rolling across my screen, proving that they really are out there.
A little more tinkering with my on- line profile and I'll call it a day.
Day 6
Now that was an interesting social experiment.
It’s true; a picture really is worth a thousand words – eight viewings in 24 hours. That’s 1 every 3 hours. I’d hope for more, but as I’m not 'actively engaged' as yet I guess that’s it until I summon the courage to check out who has checked me out? Meantime I’ve been checking out my supposed ‘matches’ downloaded for me by the site administrators, plus indulging in a spot of free wheeling on the Victorian talent…..they look and read as having the lead on the Sydney men. It’s still the little things that are stopping me from making the first approach. Back to the photos – the background and the clothes tell a lot. The stance, the body language (arms folded) and the hiding behind dark glasses look are powerful indicators. I’ve opted for a head shot of me, not dissimilar to the one on this blog.
Where to next? With a considerable data base of eligible men on file I’ve decide to devote an hour tomorrow to my search for a 'long term' man.
Note to self...must conquer this procrastination, it’s based on a fear of the unknown rather than a lack of confidence. There’s an Australian man living in France -that has appeal and one in Ireland. Both at a safe distance to allow the getting to know you process to be taken slowly.
Day 7
Still no closer to making a move. The ‘viewings’ of my photos (now 2 photos) continue on the drip feed and I keep looking to see who is looking back at me....it’s an unnerving feeling. I do have a short list of could be prospects, but every time I think that they are about to tick all the boxes something lets them down eg. prepared to move to the Gold Coast for the right person; would love to travel around Australia in a Campervan. In this person’s defence I do say in my profile that I’m not looking for a five star lifestyle. What I’ll need to add is that I’m not looking to spend time sleeping under the stars. Another nearly perfect, but not quite, is a real possibility until I read the bit; “looking for a woman who knows how to be a good wife” He’s obviously had his fingers burnt in a past life.
It’s becoming obvious that education and shared interests will be the deciding factor for me.
Day 8
Sent a response back to contact number 2. He kindly offered to shout me the first coffee. Sydney to Melbourne is a long way to go for a free cup of coffee. My response though was positive enough to leave the invitation open ended.
Now I know how the ‘system’ works I’ve signed up financially ($79.95) for the right to make 12 contacts over a three month time frame. At this stage I reassure myself that I am a serious punter, not a prospective serial dater.
Having pruned my initial list right back to two possible contenders, I take the plunge and send an “are you interested in contacting me” message to them both. I’m the monogamous kind and this doesn’t sit that comfortably with me. Guess I’m hedging my bets though in a three horse race. Either one or the other will respond, neither will respond, or they’ll both respond in the affirmative. I should be so lucky – I’ll handle that conflict, if and when it arises. I've decided not to pay to see who has checked me out. My logic being, if they don’t make contact through the non disclosure third party platform that’s available to them, they can’t be that interested.
This could become addictive, and expensive, fortunately my internet plan rolls over tomorrow and I can start afresh.
Day 9
All is about to be revealed. Mr Ireland’s not interested, doesn’t think that it would work out between us, whatever ‘it’ is. Mr Melbourne has extended his offer of a coffee date to the Gold Coast; sadly still no word from Mr France. Perhaps no news is good news.
Meantime, based on past experiences I’m writing a 'personalities to steer clear of list.' Passive aggressive (strong silent type); addicted to lust and longing,over long and lasting; the put you on a pedestal and suffer in silence type; the one that wants it all, but is prepared to give very little in return; the serial womaniser from way back – get the picture?
Back to the viewing platform and round 2. To turn this exercise from written, to face to face contact I’ll try sticking closer to home. There’s currently nothing that really does it for me in NSW but here goes anyway.
There are 4 in with a very outside chance of meeting my probably set far too high, expectations. This is going to be one big compromise. I’m just not into vintage cars, malt whisky, electric guitars or joss sticks.
Day 10
Things are slowing down - no incoming emails from likely lovers and only 3 viewings of my profile in the past 24 hours From now on it’s me that will have to drive the assault. Do I want to make contact for the sake of making contact or am I better to hang in until a more compatible profile that sends out all the right vibes, flashes on my screen? I’m not afraid of rejection, but I am hesitant to offer encouragement when I’ll probably end up being the one doing the rejection. Perhaps I’m too sensitive, after all this is a mating game with, from what I can see, a few lucky strikes but not too many success stories. Yesterday, in a café I eves dropped on a sex in the city style conversation. Two, at a guess early forties women were discussing, their hits and misses on a particular dating website. They concluded that an introduction through a friend would be the better way to go, but as their friends hadn’t been forthcoming this was an alternative as they were fast running out of time and options.
Unreal … a guy, 24 years my junior has sent a ‘contact message’ of encouragement stressing - “not that you need it”. I’ve replied assuring him that I’m “working on it”. I’ve also sent off an email to a self described widower of 6 years, questioning our possible compatibility – this one could work. Not to mention the other two ‘long shot candidates that I’ve sent an “I’d like to make beautiful music with you” message to. What happens if they reply that they want to tinker with my keys? Now I’m running scarred.
Day 11
The young man came back to me last night – he’s keen to make contact as he thinks I’m very attractive and he likes my profile…..
So much for my grand assault – I now have reason to feel rejected. Three thank you, but no thank you notes in my inbox this morning. One pleading distance as the reason, the others obviously just aren’t that into what I have to offer. And here was I thinking that I’d have to fight them off and turn them down – this really puts a girl in her place. Checking out my competition I realize that I’ll have to write a more bubbly personality profile, exude a little more enthusiasm for what I can offer these men. So it’s back to the stoke and stroke the male ego approach again. Damn it, that’s not what I want. I’ll try a few more softly softly approaches then re-evaluate my plan of attack.
Day 12
Weird – I’ve been 100% honest, told it as it is, upfront with age, interests, preferences, and past relationships. Photo is good (flattering), and recording plenty of viewings, but moving to the next stage just isn’t happening.
It’s nearly two weeks since I started this search, all fired up and very results driven. My enthusiasm is diminishing with each rejection now up to four.
For years I’ve sat back and waited for someone to make the first move and now I’ve summoned the courage to make it myself…….. I’ve had nothing but rejections in response to my indications of interest.
One self described “professional” (interior architect) replied “thanks for your interest, but I’ve been inundated, so wont be following up with you”.
Half his luck. Mr (apparently) Perfect requested “no gold diggers please”. I’ve obviously got plenty of competition, and from where I sit, which isn’t at all comfortably, the men appear to hold the upper hand.
In this ongoing daily parade of eligible men there’s the usual swag of what nature has fortunately, or unfortunately, dolled out to them, and what time has sadly sullied - no hair or less hair, red faces, double chins, moustaches or other variations on a theme of facial hair, thick necks, low slung belts notched below well established portly midriffs. A surprising range of men are on the downside of 5ft 9in and there’s a proliferation of men aged between 50 to 60 with dependent children in the 13 to 18 age bracket.
Day 13
Unlucky 13 – no responses. I tell myself that it’s because it’s a long weekend and they’re all out on dates.
Day 14
Score: 1 in 1 out. A brave young lad sends a ‘testing the water’ message.
Would I be interested in a little bit of slap and tickle, nothing serious, long lasting or of a permanent nature? – dream on. I’ve braved the possibility of yet another rejection by sending a self serving message to a divorced father of four children aged between 21 and 30. I must be mad or desperate because this is so not where I want to go. No panic though as I’m sure he to will reject me.
Day 15
I responded in the negative to the slap and tickle guy, but he wasn’t put off. In reply he spelt out what he’s really looking for – to come to my house on a regular basis for ‘pleasuring’. Can’t knock his honesty.
I’ve decided to call it a day………………………before I head down the slippery path to self destruction.
Conclusion
An interesting social exercise, but for me a waste of creativity, time and money. What I’m looking for can’t be found on a wing and a prayer. Obviously this is not a website for the independent, sophisticated and intelligent woman, but rather one where she is perceived to be well past her chronological prime, and therefore past her use by date.
To prove my point I’m tempted to re-join in a different guise. I’ll describe myself as an attractive and wealthy older woman looking to keep a man in the style to which he hasn't ever been subjected to but would like to become accustomed to. A woman who is willing to accommodate at least 2 ex wives and a herd of other people’s children – unflinchingly. Love doesn’t need to be considered part of the deal, but sex on tap would be much appreciated. That should do it.
Oh well – this experience has been yet another splash of paint on my life’s glorious technicolour canvas.Time to move on.
This is an entirely foreign adventure for me, one that I feel the need to share.
Have I been looking in all the wrong places – I’ll soon find out?
After years of deliberation and extensive soul searching the decision has been made.
I’ll do it, cast myself into the murky waters of internet dating.
Which site do I choose, to pay or not to pay, how much of me do I need to verbally expose? What do I want, what am I looking for, am I desperate and dateless, or is it merely companionship with no strings attached that I'm after?
This is not about finding a male and making a spontaneous date, but rather a process to be set in motion with a planned long and discerning lead in time, and a short, combustible cut off time, if necessary.
Am I looking for a speed date, a hot date, a social outing with a potential date,or just a companionable date? The vibe that I’ve picked up on the street leans towards a site that has been shown to have scored a large number of successful ‘hits’ and ‘hitches’.
Rules of engagement
Don’t tell your friends that you’re doing it until you’ve done it, and you can produce positive results. Friends become ‘instant’ arm chair experts on the art of web site seduction.
Getting started
Making the decision to take the plunge has been difficult for me, but now it’s made, I’m firing on all cylinders. Now for the on-line profile
First check out what information is required for your profile and write and re-write it before you commit it to cyber space. Tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth to avoid coming unstuck/exposed,somewhere down the dating track.
It’s a happening thing – stay tuned
What next?
Choose a casual associate (not a friend) to vet your photo. I have decided to run with my profile and Australian wide coverage for the first three days. The power of the pen in my case, isn’t as compelling as I had imaged. It’s becoming obvious that the picture is pivotal to the will I or won’t I make an approach process. It’s been 48hours since I let myself loose on the world and so far hit number one is the one and only. A brave guy, seven years my junior, but unfortunately not my perfect match, has taken up the 'sight unseen' challenge. I’ve got the unfair advantage of having access to his photo. So…self question, was it his photo that made the ‘no thanks’ decision for me? No - our interests in the world of art, music and literature were incompatible.
Day 2
Still no photo on my profile page, but I’m working on it.
Nothing with me looking too gung ho and at the ready. I could always put a 'cute' one on for starters. Hopefully my profile says enough to negate the Bimbo, lacking substance, image a ‘cute’ photo suggests.
I’ve decided to wait one more day to see if there’s a man out there who can read between the lines and isn’t influenced by looks, or the lack of.
Now that I’m officially part of the process I can log into a slide show of desirables that presumably fit within my not too demanding, wish list.
Currently I've chosen the whole of Australia as my territory. In a couple of days. I'll focus on Victoria, and then start working through the Sydney postcodes. I’ve told myself that there are no ‘available’ (plenty of unavailable that would like to make themselves available) men in my age group out there. Wrong – I’m blown away with the images scrolling across my screen. Heaps of guys flashing before me that don’t come within a bull’s roar of meeting my desirables list. I shy away from those looking for - a lady, I’m a woman.
My perfect matches, as picked for me, don’t fall too far short of my expectations. But… there’s always something in their profile that makes me hesitate eg. hours on the golf course, sailing the ocean waves, heavy metal music, watching the Simpsons.
Having checked out the Australia wide prospects it’s great to have the option to test the market in other countries. I’m about to zoom in on France where I’ll be next month.
Wait a minute…still in Australia, there are a couple of hopefuls. So why haven’t they contacted me? It’s obvious; I must get my photo ‘out there’
before this turns into the diary of a thwarted internet dater.
Day 3
Still no photo and still only one possible suitor. My strike rate is abysmal - enough to give a girl a huge inferiority complex. A happy snap appears to be the missing ingredient. It’s time - the brains approach didn’t work so I’ll try the eye appeal. If that doesn’t work I’m really doomed to a life of splendid isolation. Then of course I could swallow my pride and make the first approach.
Day 4
This exercise in self promotion is proving to a big time gobbler and it’s stretching my $29.95 monthly internet plan to the max. Where am I going wrong? I’m reading stories of other web-struck females meeting Mr Right within the first four days….help, that’s today for me. I make a note to myself – this could be life changing stuff, don’t panic, step back from it and take time over the selection process.
Things are hotting up. There’s been a second hit on my profile. Can’t tell who though unless I ‘pay to peep’. Not a considered option at this stage. I’m going to go with my gut feeling that a photo WILL produce results. Mr WA looks OK and I wouldn’t say no to Mr Geelong, but they both suffer the same click of the mouse fate. Why? on my dating radar they are classified as GI guys (geographically impossible); unless I’m prepared to up sticks and move interstate.
I’ve finally done it, I’ve downloaded a photo. What happens if it doesn’t produce results? Guess I need to adopt the wait and see approach.
Day 5
Based on other success rates I’m obviously over the hill – still only two responses. A hitch with the photo. I downloaded a reasonable looking head and shoulders shot, untouched by the wonders of photo shop, pressed the send button, and in return, a message letting me know that it would take 24 hours to approve the photo before it could appear on-line.
There’s nothing I can do now but sit it out. Will my no photo V photo theory be proven?
Meantime the men keep rolling across my screen, proving that they really are out there.
A little more tinkering with my on- line profile and I'll call it a day.
Day 6
Now that was an interesting social experiment.
It’s true; a picture really is worth a thousand words – eight viewings in 24 hours. That’s 1 every 3 hours. I’d hope for more, but as I’m not 'actively engaged' as yet I guess that’s it until I summon the courage to check out who has checked me out? Meantime I’ve been checking out my supposed ‘matches’ downloaded for me by the site administrators, plus indulging in a spot of free wheeling on the Victorian talent…..they look and read as having the lead on the Sydney men. It’s still the little things that are stopping me from making the first approach. Back to the photos – the background and the clothes tell a lot. The stance, the body language (arms folded) and the hiding behind dark glasses look are powerful indicators. I’ve opted for a head shot of me, not dissimilar to the one on this blog.
Where to next? With a considerable data base of eligible men on file I’ve decide to devote an hour tomorrow to my search for a 'long term' man.
Note to self...must conquer this procrastination, it’s based on a fear of the unknown rather than a lack of confidence. There’s an Australian man living in France -that has appeal and one in Ireland. Both at a safe distance to allow the getting to know you process to be taken slowly.
Day 7
Still no closer to making a move. The ‘viewings’ of my photos (now 2 photos) continue on the drip feed and I keep looking to see who is looking back at me....it’s an unnerving feeling. I do have a short list of could be prospects, but every time I think that they are about to tick all the boxes something lets them down eg. prepared to move to the Gold Coast for the right person; would love to travel around Australia in a Campervan. In this person’s defence I do say in my profile that I’m not looking for a five star lifestyle. What I’ll need to add is that I’m not looking to spend time sleeping under the stars. Another nearly perfect, but not quite, is a real possibility until I read the bit; “looking for a woman who knows how to be a good wife” He’s obviously had his fingers burnt in a past life.
It’s becoming obvious that education and shared interests will be the deciding factor for me.
Day 8
Sent a response back to contact number 2. He kindly offered to shout me the first coffee. Sydney to Melbourne is a long way to go for a free cup of coffee. My response though was positive enough to leave the invitation open ended.
Now I know how the ‘system’ works I’ve signed up financially ($79.95) for the right to make 12 contacts over a three month time frame. At this stage I reassure myself that I am a serious punter, not a prospective serial dater.
Having pruned my initial list right back to two possible contenders, I take the plunge and send an “are you interested in contacting me” message to them both. I’m the monogamous kind and this doesn’t sit that comfortably with me. Guess I’m hedging my bets though in a three horse race. Either one or the other will respond, neither will respond, or they’ll both respond in the affirmative. I should be so lucky – I’ll handle that conflict, if and when it arises. I've decided not to pay to see who has checked me out. My logic being, if they don’t make contact through the non disclosure third party platform that’s available to them, they can’t be that interested.
This could become addictive, and expensive, fortunately my internet plan rolls over tomorrow and I can start afresh.
Day 9
All is about to be revealed. Mr Ireland’s not interested, doesn’t think that it would work out between us, whatever ‘it’ is. Mr Melbourne has extended his offer of a coffee date to the Gold Coast; sadly still no word from Mr France. Perhaps no news is good news.
Meantime, based on past experiences I’m writing a 'personalities to steer clear of list.' Passive aggressive (strong silent type); addicted to lust and longing,over long and lasting; the put you on a pedestal and suffer in silence type; the one that wants it all, but is prepared to give very little in return; the serial womaniser from way back – get the picture?
Back to the viewing platform and round 2. To turn this exercise from written, to face to face contact I’ll try sticking closer to home. There’s currently nothing that really does it for me in NSW but here goes anyway.
There are 4 in with a very outside chance of meeting my probably set far too high, expectations. This is going to be one big compromise. I’m just not into vintage cars, malt whisky, electric guitars or joss sticks.
Day 10
Things are slowing down - no incoming emails from likely lovers and only 3 viewings of my profile in the past 24 hours From now on it’s me that will have to drive the assault. Do I want to make contact for the sake of making contact or am I better to hang in until a more compatible profile that sends out all the right vibes, flashes on my screen? I’m not afraid of rejection, but I am hesitant to offer encouragement when I’ll probably end up being the one doing the rejection. Perhaps I’m too sensitive, after all this is a mating game with, from what I can see, a few lucky strikes but not too many success stories. Yesterday, in a café I eves dropped on a sex in the city style conversation. Two, at a guess early forties women were discussing, their hits and misses on a particular dating website. They concluded that an introduction through a friend would be the better way to go, but as their friends hadn’t been forthcoming this was an alternative as they were fast running out of time and options.
Unreal … a guy, 24 years my junior has sent a ‘contact message’ of encouragement stressing - “not that you need it”. I’ve replied assuring him that I’m “working on it”. I’ve also sent off an email to a self described widower of 6 years, questioning our possible compatibility – this one could work. Not to mention the other two ‘long shot candidates that I’ve sent an “I’d like to make beautiful music with you” message to. What happens if they reply that they want to tinker with my keys? Now I’m running scarred.
Day 11
The young man came back to me last night – he’s keen to make contact as he thinks I’m very attractive and he likes my profile…..
So much for my grand assault – I now have reason to feel rejected. Three thank you, but no thank you notes in my inbox this morning. One pleading distance as the reason, the others obviously just aren’t that into what I have to offer. And here was I thinking that I’d have to fight them off and turn them down – this really puts a girl in her place. Checking out my competition I realize that I’ll have to write a more bubbly personality profile, exude a little more enthusiasm for what I can offer these men. So it’s back to the stoke and stroke the male ego approach again. Damn it, that’s not what I want. I’ll try a few more softly softly approaches then re-evaluate my plan of attack.
Day 12
Weird – I’ve been 100% honest, told it as it is, upfront with age, interests, preferences, and past relationships. Photo is good (flattering), and recording plenty of viewings, but moving to the next stage just isn’t happening.
It’s nearly two weeks since I started this search, all fired up and very results driven. My enthusiasm is diminishing with each rejection now up to four.
For years I’ve sat back and waited for someone to make the first move and now I’ve summoned the courage to make it myself…….. I’ve had nothing but rejections in response to my indications of interest.
One self described “professional” (interior architect) replied “thanks for your interest, but I’ve been inundated, so wont be following up with you”.
Half his luck. Mr (apparently) Perfect requested “no gold diggers please”. I’ve obviously got plenty of competition, and from where I sit, which isn’t at all comfortably, the men appear to hold the upper hand.
In this ongoing daily parade of eligible men there’s the usual swag of what nature has fortunately, or unfortunately, dolled out to them, and what time has sadly sullied - no hair or less hair, red faces, double chins, moustaches or other variations on a theme of facial hair, thick necks, low slung belts notched below well established portly midriffs. A surprising range of men are on the downside of 5ft 9in and there’s a proliferation of men aged between 50 to 60 with dependent children in the 13 to 18 age bracket.
Day 13
Unlucky 13 – no responses. I tell myself that it’s because it’s a long weekend and they’re all out on dates.
Day 14
Score: 1 in 1 out. A brave young lad sends a ‘testing the water’ message.
Would I be interested in a little bit of slap and tickle, nothing serious, long lasting or of a permanent nature? – dream on. I’ve braved the possibility of yet another rejection by sending a self serving message to a divorced father of four children aged between 21 and 30. I must be mad or desperate because this is so not where I want to go. No panic though as I’m sure he to will reject me.
Day 15
I responded in the negative to the slap and tickle guy, but he wasn’t put off. In reply he spelt out what he’s really looking for – to come to my house on a regular basis for ‘pleasuring’. Can’t knock his honesty.
I’ve decided to call it a day………………………before I head down the slippery path to self destruction.
Conclusion
An interesting social exercise, but for me a waste of creativity, time and money. What I’m looking for can’t be found on a wing and a prayer. Obviously this is not a website for the independent, sophisticated and intelligent woman, but rather one where she is perceived to be well past her chronological prime, and therefore past her use by date.
To prove my point I’m tempted to re-join in a different guise. I’ll describe myself as an attractive and wealthy older woman looking to keep a man in the style to which he hasn't ever been subjected to but would like to become accustomed to. A woman who is willing to accommodate at least 2 ex wives and a herd of other people’s children – unflinchingly. Love doesn’t need to be considered part of the deal, but sex on tap would be much appreciated. That should do it.
Oh well – this experience has been yet another splash of paint on my life’s glorious technicolour canvas.Time to move on.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Many hands make light work
Sydney Morning Herald - Shoot the Chef - 2008 finalist
'Many hands make light work', by Trish Honeyfield
I'm a casual observer who can see the line and write the line
but just can't draw the line - this is where the camera comes in handy.
I was captivated by the space, the informal balance and the play of light that fell over the space in an inverted arc.
This wasn't posed and only took two shots to capture, so strong was the sense of mood.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
'Out of the communal wardrobe'
Individual expression is alive and well and living in Sydney.
I took a cross city bus from a trendy up market suburb via a
funky area to a grungy suburb that flaunts individual style as
its masthead. A suburb where glam lives comfortably yet
unpretentiously next to grunge.
Having lambasted those who slavishly adhere to lists and look alikes
I’m pleased to report that after my session of street ‘gazing’ and ‘grazing’
there’s a new trend emerging in the fashion stakes and it’s refreshing to see.
The look – anything goes. It doesn’t have to mix and match nor does it need to be colour co-ordinated.
There is no ‘new black’ but rather a mish mash and hot potch of lucky dip style dressing. The look – let’s call it ‘out of the communal wardrobe.’
Spotted
On the bus – blue denim shorts over long black woollen tights, brown ankle boots
and a grey, long sleeve, waisted jacket.
On the street – 10:15am! a diaphanous primrose yellow mini dress, bare legs, long black cardigan and silver lame 12cm heels. No wonder the poor girl had to stop by a fountain to apply sticky plaster to her blistered and bleeding heels.
Coming soon to a street near you……
Have you spotted the ‘out of the communal wardrobe’ look yet?
Let’s hear about it……….
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Technology overload kills the shopping bug
I have a mega moan and feel sure I’m not alone with it.
The impact of technology has not been lost on us sensitive souls. Those who have no mechanical aptitude and who are technically challenged to the point of tears, will empathise with me.
Whilst the majority of the world’s population embrace technology and demand bigger, brighter, better play things, the dissenters must begrudgingly accept them as ‘the new world order’.
Why can’t there be a global operating standard for basic every day items, a sort of electronic equipment pack for dummies?
A one touch does it all remote control that opens the garage door and turns on the burglar alarm; a friendly car park ticket machine that doesn’t have a personal vendetta against you: a two button mobile phone – one button for incoming and one for outgoing calls. Standardised credit card processing machines that speak a universal
language.
Twice a year I hit the sales on a shopping spree. I delight at the money I’m saving and revel in the buzz that retail therapy brings.
Decide to shop where cash is king and a pre shopping excursion to an ATM is a basic requirement. The one that you had in mind is invariably closed - you then have to master an opposition’s machine, and pay for the privilege.
The joy of shopping and the thrill of the chase for a bargain soon turn to frustration as shop after shop you are faced with yet another technical variation on the machine that is used to rack up debt on your credit card.
The exasperated shop assistant (not his/her most favourite time of the year) snappily demands, cash or credit card, credit or savings, signature or pin, cash out, store loyalty card?
Next challenge, the none to user friendly electronically wired exit. Burdened down by your rapidly accumulating loot you are stopped, mid stride, by the shrill sound of the door alarm. You know you’re guilt free but that a harassed shop assistant has left the security tag on one of your many purchases. Back you go to have it removed.Head for the exit and again that guilty sound pierces the air. Do you take a look over your shoulder, procrastinate, run, or obligingly hang around for the strip search?
Frustrations behind you - your thoughts turn to a refreshing smoothie.Personal details, including your ‘chatty’ first name, are fed into a machine and when your double banana, pinapple and passion fruit smoothie is ready your name is broadcast over a 10 metre radius.
There’s no escaping the technology bug, it will get you every time.
There is one thing that keeps me sane and that’s the power that I can wield by pressing the ‘delete’ button on incoming junk mail.
The impact of technology has not been lost on us sensitive souls. Those who have no mechanical aptitude and who are technically challenged to the point of tears, will empathise with me.
Whilst the majority of the world’s population embrace technology and demand bigger, brighter, better play things, the dissenters must begrudgingly accept them as ‘the new world order’.
Why can’t there be a global operating standard for basic every day items, a sort of electronic equipment pack for dummies?
A one touch does it all remote control that opens the garage door and turns on the burglar alarm; a friendly car park ticket machine that doesn’t have a personal vendetta against you: a two button mobile phone – one button for incoming and one for outgoing calls. Standardised credit card processing machines that speak a universal
language.
Twice a year I hit the sales on a shopping spree. I delight at the money I’m saving and revel in the buzz that retail therapy brings.
Decide to shop where cash is king and a pre shopping excursion to an ATM is a basic requirement. The one that you had in mind is invariably closed - you then have to master an opposition’s machine, and pay for the privilege.
The joy of shopping and the thrill of the chase for a bargain soon turn to frustration as shop after shop you are faced with yet another technical variation on the machine that is used to rack up debt on your credit card.
The exasperated shop assistant (not his/her most favourite time of the year) snappily demands, cash or credit card, credit or savings, signature or pin, cash out, store loyalty card?
Next challenge, the none to user friendly electronically wired exit. Burdened down by your rapidly accumulating loot you are stopped, mid stride, by the shrill sound of the door alarm. You know you’re guilt free but that a harassed shop assistant has left the security tag on one of your many purchases. Back you go to have it removed.Head for the exit and again that guilty sound pierces the air. Do you take a look over your shoulder, procrastinate, run, or obligingly hang around for the strip search?
Frustrations behind you - your thoughts turn to a refreshing smoothie.Personal details, including your ‘chatty’ first name, are fed into a machine and when your double banana, pinapple and passion fruit smoothie is ready your name is broadcast over a 10 metre radius.
There’s no escaping the technology bug, it will get you every time.
There is one thing that keeps me sane and that’s the power that I can wield by pressing the ‘delete’ button on incoming junk mail.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
The Journey
A warm, almost but not quite, cloud free Sydney day.
A reprieve before the sticky heat that heralds the oncoming of summer.
The 389-bus route passes through several areas that make up a very small segment of this sprawling, cosmopolitan city. It's a pretty route -
It starts at the sleepy seaside suburb of Bondi North and ends up at Circular Quay. It travels via a trendy new shopping centre, through a leafy suburb of gentlemen’s residences. then meanders its way through two kilometres of lovingly restored (at great expense) Victorian Terrace houses. It passes through a one street Italian quarter, then on to the throbbing heart of the city, the CBD.
My journey begins in the gentlemen’s suburb, sitting, praise be, in a covered bus stop. My silence is broken. “Is there a bus due soon?” asks a guy in his mid 50’s. He is casually dressed in a plain blue open neck shirt, indigo blue jeans and on his feet a pair of 'I do a lot of serious walking', shoes. I reply “there’ll be one within ten minutes” He’s off on another tangent, “I used to live around here thirty five years ago”. I did some quick arithmetic. Based on my mid 50’s assumption; he was 20 when he lived here. “There are a lot more trees around here now than there were then.” He considers this to be "a good thing" I consider it to be a not such a good thing as the trees are rapidly encroaching on my spectacular view back towards the CBD. He must have been on a trip down memory lane as he got off at St Vincent’s Hospital hospice “to visit an old friend”.
One stop prior to this, a red faced guy with a shirt to match, and a bottle that’s not a bottle when it’s wrapped in a plain brown wrapper, boards. He is obviously on his way to join a friend or two for lunch. We pass a small park sporting pigeons, prams and pushchairs then on to the stop at the National Art School to pick up a couple of funky 'grunge' mode students. A corner florist with a glorious window display of November lilies affords a sea of tranquility and a visual respite from my people watching.
The pavement tables of the tiny pocket of Italiana named, Stanley Street, are very under populated for mid day on a Saturday. I resolve to stop off at Bill and Toni’s on my return journey for a shot of good strong Italian coffee. A Sydney institution, Bill and Toni's is renowned for its big bowls of ‘spag bol’ and its even bigger jugs of sickly Orange cordial that they plonk unceremoniously on the tables.
What are my fellow passengers wearing? There’s the beach gear from Bondi, the dateless suit that is heading for an afternoon at the Bridge Club and, because of the outdoor air temperature, lots of bare arms and legs. What are they carrying? - shopping from the flashy shopping centre, numerous variations on a theme of the handbag, and heaven forbid, a plastic wrapped packet of sushi. I fear for its shelf life and for the e-coli count when it reaches its eventual destination.
The air in the bus is close; opening the window provides no relief. The sound of silence ensues. It’s surprising what a rise in air temperature will do to the tongue. No one is talking; this is a journey of visual and aural observations only. The fountain in the park dances teasingly in the middle distance.
The CBD arrives unannounced. A long queue has formed on the pavement outside of ticketek, all eager for tickets to watch Kylie Minogue wiggle her bum or to hear the sounds of U2 or perhaps both. Fortunately for those in the queue, ticketek uptown is located next to the Hyde Park pub. No worries mate; Aussies don’t need an excuse to buy a beer.
It’s 11 November 2006 and the big department store, David Jones already has its windows bedecked with Christmas decorations and the inevitable snow and a Nativity Scene. Hasn’t anyone told them that it’s 32 degrees celsius and that there are still 43 days to Christmas. It’s got to have something to do with the recent increase in interest rates. Guess they want their bite of the household budget before the next mortgage repayment is due. Make mental note, the post Christmas sales will be BIG this year.
A reality check, we have arrived at Circular Quay and the remaining three passengers are left to face the gathering of the masses. The moment has passed; my journey has come to an end.
My next journey begins with the hauntingly beautiful overture from Les Sylphides................
Thursday, September 4, 2008
On a list with too many lists
Are we falling victim to lists?
Why do we slavishly adhere to what’s considered to be currently
socially acceptable?
Why do we so willingly cast off the old and embrace the new?
To list a few
What’s hot, what’s not
What’s in, what’s not
Who’s in, who’s out
Where to go and what to see.
Where not to go and what not to see
and the lists just keep coming….
We must be taking notice of and responding to them otherwise they wouldn’t exist.
Surely our life should be about what we want, desire and enjoy, not what we’re told
we need, should covet and take on to make our life more exciting.
If speckled nail polish were to appear on the ‘what’s not hot’ list an entire generation
of users would stop using it. The small manufacturer who is on the ascendancy with
this short lived winner would go to the wall. His suppliers and distributors would lose
a customer and his loyal staff would lose their jobs.
On the ‘what’s hot’ and ‘what’s not hot’ lists our personal dress code is under
unrelenting scrutiny. List follower, Kyle Sandilands has the audacity to tell Australian
Idol contestants that their gear ‘just wont grove it.’ These poor sods are being
humiliated on National Television and have to stand and take it as he is the one that
holds the power - and the list.
Would it not be better to check them out behind the scenes and make the necessary
adjustments to their style before the show? Since when did a good voice have to come
with the ability to wardrobe plan under pressure? Surely it’s the singer and the song
that count, not the perceived wardrobe disaster.
A casualty of the ‘what’s in’ list, Crown Princess Mary of Denmark is a robotic
version of her former happy, casual and relatively carefree (I’m speculating here) self.
Apparently to be a successful Princess it’s important to adopt a reserved demeanour
and have that ‘current’ look –the one that the stylist comes up with. The ‘look’ goes
on a ‘must have’ list and before long there are Mary clones popping up everywhere.
Sadly our friends fall victim to lists to. One of my so called good friends
recently commented “you keep your clothes for a long time don’t you”
and in response to my quizzical look, replied “that coat you’re wearing; you
don’t see that look here”, implying that it is just so not this seasons. For the record it’s
this year’s model that I bought in Amsterdam. Obviously to make us acceptable and
pleasing to the trained ‘spot this year’s fashion icons’ eye we need to adhere rigidly
to the dictates of the local scene.
Food is another area that falls victim to the list mentality.
This is confession time for me. Yes, I do check out lists, purely in the name of
research (of course). Two food fads that I was pleased to farewell were building food
pyramids and covering half the plate in a sea of exotically flavoured ephemeral foam.
The café and restaurant crowd are fickle when it comes to embracing lists.
They act like the passengers on a sightseeing flight, all rushing over to the side with
the best view – the pilot has to adjust the trim to avoid disaster.
Then it’s back to the other side for a new and more exciting view.
I haven’t done a survey so I can’t confirm my hypothesis. That the ‘what’s hot’ and ‘what’s not’, and the ‘in and outs’ of food fads lists are the most thumbed through lists.
There is one list that I do half heartedly respond to though - the 'don't put off till tomorrow what can be done today' list.
I’m starting a comments list to comment on lists - interested?
All comments welcome
Why do we slavishly adhere to what’s considered to be currently
socially acceptable?
Why do we so willingly cast off the old and embrace the new?
To list a few
What’s hot, what’s not
What’s in, what’s not
Who’s in, who’s out
Where to go and what to see.
Where not to go and what not to see
and the lists just keep coming….
We must be taking notice of and responding to them otherwise they wouldn’t exist.
Surely our life should be about what we want, desire and enjoy, not what we’re told
we need, should covet and take on to make our life more exciting.
If speckled nail polish were to appear on the ‘what’s not hot’ list an entire generation
of users would stop using it. The small manufacturer who is on the ascendancy with
this short lived winner would go to the wall. His suppliers and distributors would lose
a customer and his loyal staff would lose their jobs.
On the ‘what’s hot’ and ‘what’s not hot’ lists our personal dress code is under
unrelenting scrutiny. List follower, Kyle Sandilands has the audacity to tell Australian
Idol contestants that their gear ‘just wont grove it.’ These poor sods are being
humiliated on National Television and have to stand and take it as he is the one that
holds the power - and the list.
Would it not be better to check them out behind the scenes and make the necessary
adjustments to their style before the show? Since when did a good voice have to come
with the ability to wardrobe plan under pressure? Surely it’s the singer and the song
that count, not the perceived wardrobe disaster.
A casualty of the ‘what’s in’ list, Crown Princess Mary of Denmark is a robotic
version of her former happy, casual and relatively carefree (I’m speculating here) self.
Apparently to be a successful Princess it’s important to adopt a reserved demeanour
and have that ‘current’ look –the one that the stylist comes up with. The ‘look’ goes
on a ‘must have’ list and before long there are Mary clones popping up everywhere.
Sadly our friends fall victim to lists to. One of my so called good friends
recently commented “you keep your clothes for a long time don’t you”
and in response to my quizzical look, replied “that coat you’re wearing; you
don’t see that look here”, implying that it is just so not this seasons. For the record it’s
this year’s model that I bought in Amsterdam. Obviously to make us acceptable and
pleasing to the trained ‘spot this year’s fashion icons’ eye we need to adhere rigidly
to the dictates of the local scene.
Food is another area that falls victim to the list mentality.
This is confession time for me. Yes, I do check out lists, purely in the name of
research (of course). Two food fads that I was pleased to farewell were building food
pyramids and covering half the plate in a sea of exotically flavoured ephemeral foam.
The café and restaurant crowd are fickle when it comes to embracing lists.
They act like the passengers on a sightseeing flight, all rushing over to the side with
the best view – the pilot has to adjust the trim to avoid disaster.
Then it’s back to the other side for a new and more exciting view.
I haven’t done a survey so I can’t confirm my hypothesis. That the ‘what’s hot’ and ‘what’s not’, and the ‘in and outs’ of food fads lists are the most thumbed through lists.
There is one list that I do half heartedly respond to though - the 'don't put off till tomorrow what can be done today' list.
I’m starting a comments list to comment on lists - interested?
All comments welcome
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